Flowers in December

Feelin’ the grove of a sweet tune,
letting it fill me, my spirit rises,
wants to dance in the dark
out in a grove that doesn’t exist
except in my mind, my sweet imagination
just like most of my happy places in my life,
lost in an imaginary world where I can’t really be
but it never stops me from chasing the dream.

In my imaginary world love chases me,
laughter replaces the silence
which has become so loud in my little house
where I dance down the halls
because I’ve drank a little too much,
loneliness is a dark place I want to escape,
I want to find my place in someones heart
who knows true unconditional love,
who doesn’t take away from the perfection
of the dream that never seems to come true.
Just another joe who comes and go.
Why can’t I find the one
who knows how to escape the imagination?

I fall into the music escaping the silence,
it never comes to an end, letting it fill me,
my spirit rises and I watch her smiling,
watch her dancing with the magical man
who holds her when she hurts,
warms her when she’s cold,
catches her tears of joy cus she’s so fallen
in that imaginary place called love,
oh how I wish I could be her,
how i wish I wasn’t so alone,
so I let the music fill me – fill me
because there’s no one else to fill
that empty dark place for so long longing,
longing to just know the feeling of love
without it falling apart – falling apart,
like it always seems to do.

Yeah in my imaginary world love chases me,
where laughter replaces the silence
Please, stop, I can’t stand it anymore,
loneliness is a dark place I want to escape,
I want to find my place in someone’s heart,
someone who isn’t just a part – yeah just a part
of my imagination, not just my spirits lover
who I can’t touch, just another joe who finally stays,
why can’t I find the one, the one that’s real?
he’s lost in my imaginary world where I long to be,
but in spite of the disappointment and tears that follow,
in spite of the pain that never ends
like the silence that covets me,
it never stops me, no it never stops me
from chasing the dream.

Don’t know how to tell you,
how to let you know
what its like inside my soul,
don’t know – no don’t know
how to show you this addiction
I can’t overcome -

pretty little pills
to keep me from feelin’ -
feelin the pain -
the pain that never goes away -
no I don’t know -
don’t know how to tell you
what it’s like inside my skin
when the meds don’t kick in -
when they run out -
run out of my system -
system of destruction
caused by an imaginary friend.

Friend or foe I don’t know,
no I just don’t know
how to tell you I have no control
of the real pain -
from where it comes from
or why it won’t go away -

pretty litte pills take me far off
from the depths of my own insanity,
lost here – lost here in my my pain,
a pain that never goes away -
never goes away -

I don’t know how to tell you,
how to let you know,
what it’s like inside my corrupted soul,
don’t know – no don’t know,
how to show you this pain
I can’t overcome.

pretty little pills
to keep me from feelin’ -
feelin the pain -
the pain that never goes away -
no I don’t know -
don’t know how to tell you
what it’s like inside my skin
when the meds don’t kick in -
when they run out -
run out of my system -
system of destruction
caused by an imaginary friend.

i sit here with so many smokes
filling the ashtray
I can’t figure out which one is lit
cus all of them are half smoked -
I listen to tunes
trying to break the mood I’m feelin’ -
I want to run but I have no place to go -
couldn’t run if I tried
so instead tears fall
while I pretend not to cry -

I just want myself back -
I just want to know a day without pain -
without pills that make you insane -
I remember the days -
the days before everything
fell so far apart -
so far from myself -
the happier days -
the days without so much
damn pain.

I go through life pretending
everything’s okay -
yeah everything’s okay -
no one knows though -
no they don’t have a clue
the color of my soul
matches the color of my eyes -
so blue – so blue – no clue….

light another smoke
cus the other one went the hell out
while I sat here staring into another world -
the one i used to know -
where did my baby go? -
where did I go?
no one can tell me -
no answers for me to know -
did I go with her?
Is she gone forever?

Tell me – tell me how
to make the pain go -
so many smokes filling my ashtray -
which one am I smoking this time?
I listen to tunes
trying to break the mood I’m feelin’ -
just existing in this parallel universe
I now am suppose to call home
but I’m so gone -
so far from the girl I used to know -

where did my baby go?
where did I go?
Guess I’m gone now -
gone forever from that place
where the smile was real on my face…
yeah I was real,
the pain didn’t exist,
and the smokes in my ashtray
weren’t as confused as I am.