No Answer

•July 14, 2010 • Leave a Comment

No Answer

Sadness fills a smile
that lost was found
only to be lost again -
too many times she’s tried
to understand
the losses she’s felt -
there are no answers
that come to mind -
there’s an emptiness
that fills her heart -
she can’t figure out why
though if she were truthful to herself
she would probably admit
that which hurts too much to let go -
she wonders why life has been
such a struggle of sorts
when it could have been so beautiful
like the lives she sees
in the eyes of strangers -
an empty reflection in the mirror -
a death of sorts is all one can see
in her eyes as they know too much has
torn – worn her down
to such depth of emptiness inside -
she feels anger in its place
where love should have been -
she struggles to understand why
then she looks to the one
who could have made things
so different for her
and figures all she has is her demise
until she finds truth from Him -
the answers to all the why’s
that never come -
she hopes by then someone
will be able to fill her
with the answers that never come.

(c) by Kristy Tallman – All Rights Reserved July 2010

Nocturnal

•February 6, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Nocturnal

She dances under the light of the moon,
where she found the most comfort
cus she was nocturnal, a lover of the night,
while others drift to dream she wakens
knowing this is her time to shine,
softly and quietly she listens to music
writing her words – the ones which can only fall
together under the stars of night,
her blessed light, in the darkness
her mind dances more alive than ever,
but no one understands her habits
her happiness that comes from the night.

Blessed or cursed she wonders sometimes
when others complain of her ways,
why must she be like them,
why does her body tick
on the tocking of the eve of night -
she’s tried to comply with those
who live in the world of light
but to this day she can’t win the fight -
her body only thrives and breathes life
under the soft light of the moon.

Some days she wishes
only because she can’t change who she is
she wishes – she wasn’t made this way,
that her internal ticks on the tocking
of the eve of night would reverse
so as to make those she loves happy
but then she wonders why -
why they can’t they accept her as she is -
the beautiful moon flower you’ll only see
in the soft, gentle shadows of night
no – she can’t help the person she is.

To bed when the sun rises,
she’ll drift to dream, waking only to comply
to the workings of the diurnal people,
those who will never understand
the tick, tick tocking of her nocturnal soul.
What makes their lives so right – so complete -
how can they judge when they have no clue
what its like to live so sweetly as she does,
on the opposite side of the sun,
a nocturnal soul who kisses softly
the breath of the moon, the shadow
of the waking hours of her life,
the moment in time where she feels alive -
where her words can flow so softly, gently
under the shadows of the blissful moon,
her tick, tick tocking of upside down rocking
her nocturnal world where she happily lives her life -
there in the beautiful, beautiful night.

© Kristy Tallman – January 2010 – All rights reserved.

Chasing Dreams

•February 6, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Chasing Dreams

Feelin’ the grove of a sweet tune,
letting it fill me, my spirit rises,
wants to dance in the dark
out in a grove that doesn’t exist
except in my mind, my sweet imagination
just like most of my happy places in my life,
lost in an imaginary world where I can’t really be
but it never stops me from chasing the dream.

In my imaginary world love chases me,
laughter replaces the silence
which has become so loud in my little house
where I dance down the halls
because I’ve drank a little too much,
loneliness is a dark place I want to escape,
I want to find my place in someones heart
who knows true unconditional love,
who doesn’t take away from the perfection
of the dream that never seems to come true.
Just another joe who comes and go.
Why can’t I find the one
who knows how to escape the imagination?

I fall into the music escaping the silence,
it never comes to an end, letting it fill me,
my spirit rises and I watch her smiling,
watch her dancing with the magical man
who holds her when she hurts,
warms her when she’s cold,
catches her tears of joy cus she’s so fallen
in that imaginary place called love,
oh how I wish I could be her,
how i wish I wasn’t so alone,
so I let the music fill me – fill me
because there’s no one else to fill
that empty dark place for so long longing,
longing to just know the feeling of love
without it falling apart – falling apart,
like it always seems to do.

Yeah in my imaginary world love chases me,
where laughter replaces the silence
Please, stop, I can’t stand it anymore,
loneliness is a dark place I want to escape,
I want to find my place in someone’s heart,
someone who isn’t just a part – yeah just a part
of my imagination, not just my spirits lover
who I can’t touch, just another joe who finally stays,
why can’t I find the one, the one that’s real?
he’s lost in my imaginary world where I long to be,
but in spite of the disappointment and tears that follow,
in spite of the pain that never ends
like the silence that covets me,
it never stops me, no it never stops me
from chasing the dream.

copyright by Kristy Tallman – January 2010 – All rights reserved.

Friend or Foe

•February 6, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Friend or Foe

Don’t know how to tell you,
how to let you know
what its like inside my soul,
don’t know – no don’t know
how to show you this addiction
I can’t overcome -

pretty little pills
to keep me from feelin’ -
feelin the pain -
the pain that never goes away -
no I don’t know -
don’t know how to tell you
what it’s like inside my skin
when the meds don’t kick in -
when they run out -
run out of my system -
system of destruction
caused by an imaginary friend.

Friend or foe I don’t know,
no I just don’t know
how to tell you I have no control
of the real pain -
from where it comes from
or why it won’t go away -

pretty litte pills take me far off
from the depths of my own insanity,
lost here – lost here in my my pain,
a pain that never goes away -
never goes away -

I don’t know how to tell you,
how to let you know,
what it’s like inside my corrupted soul,
don’t know – no don’t know,
how to show you this pain
I can’t overcome.

pretty little pills
to keep me from feelin’ -
feelin the pain -
the pain that never goes away -
no I don’t know -
don’t know how to tell you
what it’s like inside my skin
when the meds don’t kick in -
when they run out -
run out of my system -
system of destruction
caused by an imaginary friend.

friend or foe,
I don’t know,
I don’t know
I don’t know
anymore.

copyright by Kristy Tallman February 2010 – all rights reserved.

My Parallel Universe

•February 6, 2010 • Leave a Comment

My Parallel Universe

i sit here with so many smokes
filling the ashtray
I can’t figure out which one is lit
cus all of them are half smoked -
I listen to tunes
trying to break the mood I’m feelin’ -
I want to run but I have no place to go -
couldn’t run if I tried
so instead tears fall
while I pretend not to cry -

I just want myself back -
I just want to know a day without pain -
without pills that make you insane -
I remember the days -
the days before everything
fell so far apart -
so far from myself -
the happier days -
the days without so much
damn pain.

I go through life pretending
everything’s okay -
yeah everything’s okay -
no one knows though -
no they don’t have a clue
the color of my soul
matches the color of my eyes -
so blue – so blue – no clue….

light another smoke
cus the other one went the hell out
while I sat here staring into another world -
the one i used to know -
where did my baby go? -
where did I go?
no one can tell me -
no answers for me to know -
did I go with her?
Is she gone forever?

Tell me – tell me how
to make the pain go -
so many smokes filling my ashtray -
which one am I smoking this time?
I listen to tunes
trying to break the mood I’m feelin’ -
just existing in this parallel universe
I now am suppose to call home
but I’m so gone -
so far from the girl I used to know -

where did my baby go?
where did I go?
Guess I’m gone now -
gone forever from that place
where the smile was real on my face…
yeah I was real,
the pain didn’t exist,
and the smokes in my ashtray
weren’t as confused as I am.

(c) Kristy Tallman – February 2010 – All rights reserved.

Falls

•January 18, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Falls

A blank canvas,
brushes in a glass
alongside dried up paints,
her heart too fallen apart
to show the passion
that once was there,
she stands before them wondering
where she lost herself,
why the ink in her well dried
why the paper’s edges turned
an ancient hue of ages gone by
without words to keep them alive,

a long time dream gone to waste,
a bewilderment of her heart’s passion
frozen somewhere in time,
forgotten because she let herself be,
she’s crawled inside herself for too long -
too long -
now as the tears fall
she wonders if its too late,
too late to find her way back
to the surface of the water
she’s been drowning in.

Arms gently wrap around her
as she stands before
her lost keepsakes
that used to make her who she was,
finally she

falls,

falls,

falls

into the arms turning her into his
she cries, cries cries
with each tear letting go of times lost,
emotions spent, feelings of hurt and pain
finally taken away for a moment
as she holds onto a piece of hope
that drifts by on her sea of lost dreams,

she falls,

falls,

falls,

from the hell she went through
when she felt him lifting her
from the inside out.

The brushes dance
upon a canvas again,
dried paints are quenched
like the desert
when it finally finds the rain,
her ink well spills over
from the tears that filled it again
and the words

fall,

fall,

fall

upon the pages again,
her thoughts evoked
by her need to be needed,
her thoughts woven
into a whirl of poetry
almost forgotten,
almost lost forever
until those arms held her close
making her feel loved again,
alive again,
yes she

falls,

falls,

falls,

back to where her heart
had dreamed of falling,
back to a place she never thought
she’d be again, there with him,
the courage, hope and love
she needed for so long
comes shining through
like a warm winter’s sun,
though she still
has a long way back
she knows so long as
she feels those arms holding her,
uplifting her, she will come back
to herself again,
living in her dreams
so long ago forgotten,
afraid to breathe,
afraid to feel,
her blank canvas
the start of a painting come to life,
the words she writes again,
the world newborn to her heart,
she finds her words to write
as she

falls,

falls,

falls,

into a place
that brings her back to life again,

she

falls,

falls,

falls

into him knowing
he’ll catch her breath,
catch her tears,
catch her heart as it

falls,

falls,

falls.

into him…
into love…
into life again…

copyright by Kristy Tallman, January 2010 All rights reserved.

Saving our Grace

•January 18, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Saving our Grace

It is when all good things
embrace our hearts
we find those who are of envy
seeking to create wedges and walls
to allow that which they alone
cannot attain to crumble..
through the hands of evil
if we find ourselves slipping away
from the beauty God graced you with
because you prayed and He answered;
it is when the emotions
which were intended
for our hearts to feel;
such is the time through others
Evil strives to overcome
God’s good mercy attempting to
steal your heart
from not one but two;
One being a lowly soul
just as your own in the countings
yet fills your life
with happiness, love and joy;
the other is simply God
whom which you dismiss
faith, honor and love
by letting Evil make its way
into your intended path
only to misguide you astray.
So often we follow the voice
of discourse because we believe not
such a voice would come
from someone we know;
ironically it is those we know
who are most famous
for being the voice
of Evil versus reason;
God’s reason.

They consume themselves
with lies, envy and soulless babble
because they are false lovers,
false believers
trying all things to destroy our love,
our blessings, our saving grace by God.
Who will you be;
which voice will be the one you listen to;
which path will you take,
truth, courage and patience
or anger, self-pity while allowing
the snake to lash forth from your mouths
with grave intent of only hurting others
because you yourself hurt;
because you yourself are too scared
to face others happiness with a still heart -
let them fall pray to Evil I say
because it is in God I found my saving grace;
I learned patience and my heart beats
always with good intent and love.
Let no man put asunder
that which was graced by God
lest he so desire to
forever walk the wrong path,
hear the wrong voice,
never finding his own saving grace.

by Kristy Tallman, January 2010 all rights reserved.

 
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