
count to sixty - thirty times…..
there are still times
when the eerie feelings come rushing back,
the meds don’t hide the fear,
the fear strikes like lightning
against a backdrop of an easy going day,
tears follow - you can’t stop them now,
they fall like rain in a storm
out on a raging sea that held quiet for so long.
why do you reckon it won’t go away?
why do you reckon I can’t control
the thoughts that course through my mind,
trespassing over the easy going day
that was here just a moment ago?
I wonder quietly, waiting for it to pass
fearing this will be the time it won’t.
fearing this will be the time my mind
is convincing my body
everything is okay
instead of the other way.
pop a pill and count to sixty - thirty times -
will the surge pass, will the pain go away?
will I ever be normal again?
I don’t think so and that saddens me.
I used to be free,
I didn’t used to be afraid…
now I pretend very well.
I miss the days before the heart shut down,
before the waves crashed against the shore
taking with it half of my earth,
a stark realization of what had come to pass,
a moment in life where I stopped
to take a quiet breath.
Thank God I inhaled again
but why can’t I shake the aftershocks
of a life I never thought I would have?
are you okay?
am I the only one who struggles this way?
you feel so alone in the corner you hide yourself in,
pop a pill and count to sixty - thirty times….
I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to hurt,
it scares me.
my moments of insanity grow further apart
but each one impacts me as if it were the first.
pop a pill - count to sixty - thirty times
and pray the fear will go away.
pray it would stay away knowing it won’t
but I’ll count to sixty - thirty times
and hope this isn’t the time the time
my mind is convincing my body
everything is okay
instead of the other way.
count to sixty - thirty times…
count to sixty - thirty times -
count to sixty thirty times………..
copyright by Kristy Tallman - June 2008


