Flowers in December

i sit here with so many smokes
filling the ashtray
I can’t figure out which one is lit
cus all of them are half smoked -
I listen to tunes
trying to break the mood I’m feelin’ -
I want to run but I have no place to go -
couldn’t run if I tried
so instead tears fall
while I pretend not to cry -

I just want myself back -
I just want to know a day without pain -
without pills that make you insane -
I remember the days -
the days before everything
fell so far apart -
so far from myself -
the happier days -
the days without so much
damn pain.

I go through life pretending
everything’s okay -
yeah everything’s okay -
no one knows though -
no they don’t have a clue
the color of my soul
matches the color of my eyes -
so blue – so blue – no clue….

light another smoke
cus the other one went the hell out
while I sat here staring into another world -
the one i used to know -
where did my baby go? -
where did I go?
no one can tell me -
no answers for me to know -
did I go with her?
Is she gone forever?

Tell me – tell me how
to make the pain go -
so many smokes filling my ashtray -
which one am I smoking this time?
I listen to tunes
trying to break the mood I’m feelin’ -
just existing in this parallel universe
I now am suppose to call home
but I’m so gone -
so far from the girl I used to know -

where did my baby go?
where did I go?
Guess I’m gone now -
gone forever from that place
where the smile was real on my face…
yeah I was real,
the pain didn’t exist,
and the smokes in my ashtray
weren’t as confused as I am.