Flowers in December

Falls

A blank canvas,
brushes in a glass
alongside dried up paints,
her heart too fallen apart
to show the passion
that once was there,
she stands before them wondering
where she lost herself,
why the ink in her well dried
why the paper’s edges turned
an ancient hue of ages gone by
without words to keep them alive,

a long time dream gone to waste,
a bewilderment of her heart’s passion
frozen somewhere in time,
forgotten because she let herself be,
she’s crawled inside herself for too long -
too long -
now as the tears fall
she wonders if its too late,
too late to find her way back
to the surface of the water
she’s been drowning in.

Arms gently wrap around her
as she stands before
her lost keepsakes
that used to make her who she was,
finally she

falls,

falls,

falls

into the arms turning her into his
she cries, cries cries
with each tear letting go of times lost,
emotions spent, feelings of hurt and pain
finally taken away for a moment
as she holds onto a piece of hope
that drifts by on her sea of lost dreams,

she falls,

falls,

falls,

from the hell she went through
when she felt him lifting her
from the inside out.

The brushes dance
upon a canvas again,
dried paints are quenched
like the desert
when it finally finds the rain,
her ink well spills over
from the tears that filled it again
and the words

fall,

fall,

fall

upon the pages again,
her thoughts evoked
by her need to be needed,
her thoughts woven
into a whirl of poetry
almost forgotten,
almost lost forever
until those arms held her close
making her feel loved again,
alive again,
yes she

falls,

falls,

falls,

back to where her heart
had dreamed of falling,
back to a place she never thought
she’d be again, there with him,
the courage, hope and love
she needed for so long
comes shining through
like a warm winter’s sun,
though she still
has a long way back
she knows so long as
she feels those arms holding her,
uplifting her, she will come back
to herself again,
living in her dreams
so long ago forgotten,
afraid to breathe,
afraid to feel,
her blank canvas
the start of a painting come to life,
the words she writes again,
the world newborn to her heart,
she finds her words to write
as she

falls,

falls,

falls,

into a place
that brings her back to life again,

she

falls,

falls,

falls

into him knowing
he’ll catch her breath,
catch her tears,
catch her heart as it

falls,

falls,

falls.

into him…
into love…
into life again…

copyright by Kristy Tallman, January 2010 All rights reserved.

Posted in My Poetry

Saving our Grace

They consume themselves
with lies, envy and soulless babble
because they are false lovers,
false believers
trying all things to destroy our love,
our blessings, our saving grace by God.
Who will you be;
which voice will be the one you listen to;
which path will you take,
truth, courage and patience
or anger, self-pity while allowing
the snake to lash forth from your mouths
with grave intent of only hurting others
because you yourself hurt;
because you yourself are too scared
to face others happiness with a still heart -
let them fall pray to Evil I say
because it is in God I found my saving grace;
I learned patience and my heart beats
always with good intent and love.
Let no man put asunder
that which was graced by God
lest he so desire to
forever walk the wrong path,
hear the wrong voice,
never finding his own saving grace.

by Kristy Tallman, January 2010 all rights reserved.

Posted in My Poetry

“Don’t hurt me…”

for the first time in my life
I’m so scared of life,
so afraid of what I’m given
so afraid it will dissipate
like clouds after a storm
like the one blowing breath
back into my broken down soul,
i want to believe in everything
you say, you do, i want
your touch to be for real
not just because,
i want to know that when i feel
you through the depths of my body’s core
that you feel it too,
that you won’t walk away
like all the others before,
that you won’t break this broken heart
too afraid to breathe
in the breath of love again,
for the first time in my life
my words seem so trivial
upon the page – the difference
like a rage of the thunder’s roar
too little, too late, to afraid,
so afraid.

I sit on the corner of my bed
watching you sleep wondering
what will I do when you leave,
everyone leaves, everyone leaves,
tears well up between
the desperate lines
of the only voice I seem to have,
writing that seems so trivial
to the truths of my heart’s beating -
it stops the moment your lips touch mine
and in that moment I fear I could die
but truth be told I’d die in love -
the very thing I am so scared of,
so afraid of what you will become,

I want to run,
I want to hide
like I have so many times before
but I can’t move.
I’m frozen in a state of idle chaos,
a whirlwind of feelings and emotions
I promised never to let seep
through the crevices of the walls
I thought I had built so strongly,
the walls, the walls,
come crumbling down like my tears
through an hour glass
awaiting the moment you’ll leave,
everyone leaves – everyone leaves,
hiding the tears surfacing
I pray aloud to you -

“please don’t hurt me” -

don’t leave -
don’t stop making me feel
like life is surreal
yet promise me
this is the way
love is suppose to be -
for the first time in my life,
I’m so scared of life,
of living of loving, loving you
yet timidly I walk into the stream
of tears falling for you,
falling because you create
such a beautiful pain inside me,
a pain that shows
what the heart already knows,
what I’m so afraid of feeling,
too much, too late, to afraid,
hiding inside my little world,
where no one leaves, no one leaves,
let me hold you here please,
let me hold on to the feelings,
no one ever cared enough to give,
cared enough to stay,
just words – words upon a page,
torn out from the core of my soul,

everyone leaves, they always leave -
please, please don’t do this to me -
stay here wrapped in my worn down heart,
let me be loved as its suppose to be -
i’m so scared, so scarred
from the bleeding edges of daggers
cut so deep I’ve yet to breathe
until I stopped breathing
the moment you breached
the walls of my pain,
everyone leaves, everyone I love so deeply
gone to another world,
everyone leaves who didn’t mean
the words, those same words you say to me,

please baby please – “don’t hurt me” -
please “don’t hurt me”

copyright by Kristy Tallman, January 2010 all rights reserved.
written while listening to Black Orchid by Blue October.

Posted in My Poetry

A Beautiful Flower

for love…
for love…
for love…

copyright by Kristy Tallman – January 2010 – all rights reserved.

Posted in My Poetry

Broken Soul

a gentle breeze
off the ocean’s shore
feels so warm
against my cold, cold soul,
I walk on the edge of eternity
where the ocean kisses the sands
over and over again -
never ceasing to exist -
it forever lives on
back and forth against
my feet worn and withered
from too much searching -
searching for that one
who will embrace you
keeping you safe
from the storms
the ocean brings forth
when its angry at the world,

devastation has been
the only product
of my internal world,
yet there upon
the crests of a wave
you see a ray of hope
as the sun’s light
kisses the foam,
he rises from the waters
like an angel
you never thought you’d see,

then you wonder
am I alive -
or is this my eternal rest,
my body too worn to carry on
with the loneliness
the vast ocean
brings to mind some times -
so overwhelmingly endless -
its dark edges
on the horizon
until sunset when hope
for a moment surges and swirls,

my angel kisses me
and promises
I won’t hurt anymore -
I won’t hurt anymore -
my tired feet
all withered and worn
healed by the ocean’s shore -
oh it feels so warm – so warm
against my cold, cold soul,
my angel holds me
against the raging storms -
have I died
or will this always be
like the edges of the ocean
kissing the sands over and over again -
never ceasing to exist -
my eternity? – my reality?
my turn? my angel to kiss away the pain? -
my ocean to rush in waves of change,
my moment when the sun sets
on the horizon of my gloom,
a moment surges and swirls
inside my cold, cold soul -

it feels so warm, so warm -
I dare not waken if I’m asleep,
I dare not rise if I am deceased
if it means my angel will fall back
into the sea -

but he promises me -
promises me he will forever be -
just like the ocean
never ends, nor will his journey
to mend my broken soul.

it feels so warm, so warm
it feels so warm, so warm
my soul wrapped in my angels arms,
it feels so warm, so warm
the chill thawed from a summer’s kiss,
I’m alive and this
my dream has come to exist,
it feels so warm, so warm,
against my broken soul.

copyright by Kristy Tallman – January 2010 – all rights reserved.

Posted in My Poetry