Flowers in December

“Don’t hurt me…”

for the first time in my life
I’m so scared of life,
so afraid of what I’m given
so afraid it will dissipate
like clouds after a storm
like the one blowing breath
back into my broken down soul,
i want to believe in everything
you say, you do, i want
your touch to be for real
not just because,
i want to know that when i feel
you through the depths of my body’s core
that you feel it too,
that you won’t walk away
like all the others before,
that you won’t break this broken heart
too afraid to breathe
in the breath of love again,
for the first time in my life
my words seem so trivial
upon the page – the difference
like a rage of the thunder’s roar
too little, too late, to afraid,
so afraid.

I sit on the corner of my bed
watching you sleep wondering
what will I do when you leave,
everyone leaves, everyone leaves,
tears well up between
the desperate lines
of the only voice I seem to have,
writing that seems so trivial
to the truths of my heart’s beating -
it stops the moment your lips touch mine
and in that moment I fear I could die
but truth be told I’d die in love -
the very thing I am so scared of,
so afraid of what you will become,

I want to run,
I want to hide
like I have so many times before
but I can’t move.
I’m frozen in a state of idle chaos,
a whirlwind of feelings and emotions
I promised never to let seep
through the crevices of the walls
I thought I had built so strongly,
the walls, the walls,
come crumbling down like my tears
through an hour glass
awaiting the moment you’ll leave,
everyone leaves – everyone leaves,
hiding the tears surfacing
I pray aloud to you -

“please don’t hurt me” -

don’t leave -
don’t stop making me feel
like life is surreal
yet promise me
this is the way
love is suppose to be -
for the first time in my life,
I’m so scared of life,
of living of loving, loving you
yet timidly I walk into the stream
of tears falling for you,
falling because you create
such a beautiful pain inside me,
a pain that shows
what the heart already knows,
what I’m so afraid of feeling,
too much, too late, to afraid,
hiding inside my little world,
where no one leaves, no one leaves,
let me hold you here please,
let me hold on to the feelings,
no one ever cared enough to give,
cared enough to stay,
just words – words upon a page,
torn out from the core of my soul,

everyone leaves, they always leave -
please, please don’t do this to me -
stay here wrapped in my worn down heart,
let me be loved as its suppose to be -
i’m so scared, so scarred
from the bleeding edges of daggers
cut so deep I’ve yet to breathe
until I stopped breathing
the moment you breached
the walls of my pain,
everyone leaves, everyone I love so deeply
gone to another world,
everyone leaves who didn’t mean
the words, those same words you say to me,

please baby please – “don’t hurt me” -
please “don’t hurt me”

copyright by Kristy Tallman, January 2010 all rights reserved.
written while listening to Black Orchid by Blue October.

Posted in My Poetry

A Beautiful Flower

for love…
for love…
for love…

copyright by Kristy Tallman – January 2010 – all rights reserved.

Posted in My Poetry

Broken Soul

a gentle breeze
off the ocean’s shore
feels so warm
against my cold, cold soul,
I walk on the edge of eternity
where the ocean kisses the sands
over and over again -
never ceasing to exist -
it forever lives on
back and forth against
my feet worn and withered
from too much searching -
searching for that one
who will embrace you
keeping you safe
from the storms
the ocean brings forth
when its angry at the world,

devastation has been
the only product
of my internal world,
yet there upon
the crests of a wave
you see a ray of hope
as the sun’s light
kisses the foam,
he rises from the waters
like an angel
you never thought you’d see,

then you wonder
am I alive -
or is this my eternal rest,
my body too worn to carry on
with the loneliness
the vast ocean
brings to mind some times -
so overwhelmingly endless -
its dark edges
on the horizon
until sunset when hope
for a moment surges and swirls,

my angel kisses me
and promises
I won’t hurt anymore -
I won’t hurt anymore -
my tired feet
all withered and worn
healed by the ocean’s shore -
oh it feels so warm – so warm
against my cold, cold soul,
my angel holds me
against the raging storms -
have I died
or will this always be
like the edges of the ocean
kissing the sands over and over again -
never ceasing to exist -
my eternity? – my reality?
my turn? my angel to kiss away the pain? -
my ocean to rush in waves of change,
my moment when the sun sets
on the horizon of my gloom,
a moment surges and swirls
inside my cold, cold soul -

it feels so warm, so warm -
I dare not waken if I’m asleep,
I dare not rise if I am deceased
if it means my angel will fall back
into the sea -

but he promises me -
promises me he will forever be -
just like the ocean
never ends, nor will his journey
to mend my broken soul.

it feels so warm, so warm
it feels so warm, so warm
my soul wrapped in my angels arms,
it feels so warm, so warm
the chill thawed from a summer’s kiss,
I’m alive and this
my dream has come to exist,
it feels so warm, so warm,
against my broken soul.

copyright by Kristy Tallman – January 2010 – all rights reserved.

Posted in My Poetry

Hues of Blue

copyright by Kristy Tallman – Jan. 2010 All rights reserved.

Posted in My Poetry

Blue Moon

Her words are like a songbird
sitting upon a window sill
the kiss of spring in the air
that seems to heavy to breathe,
a gentle breeze blows through hope,
for so long it hadn’t been there,
lost to the burdens of life’s pain,
she wonders if its too late
to late to be be saved,
love was just a lullaby
sung sweetly to her children
because when she let it fill her heart
for someone special it tended
to fall apart in the end,
how beautiful it must be
to see those walking hand in hand
down a crowded street,
never letting go
because their hearts are joined as one,

the songbird sings a little song
in the shadows of the moonlight,
casting her wishes upon a falling star
while she talks to the moon,
adrift in a world
where no one can hurt her anymore.

he caught her eye in the midst of a winter’s chill,
she dared not let it phase her,
it was too late, she’d lost her breath,
caught up in a beautiful moment
she knows won’t be hers to own,
but a gentle breeze of hope
kissed the curtain’s edge,
a smile replaced the distant place
her happiness had took flight too,
she thought of him for a minute or two -
but lost to the burdens of life’s pain,
she wonders if its too late
to late to be be saved,

saved by someone who’s heart
would fly away with hers,
forever there to sing upon window sills,
to breathe in the depths of hope
without losing faith,
too many times let down
she closed the curtain upon life’s stage,
she coveted her heart trying her best
to keep it safe,

never giving up hope as she sang,
waiting for her caller
to come take away the pain,
take away the fear,
to make her feel whole again,
their hearts would sing as one,
but lost to the burdens of life’s pain,
she wonders – yeah she wonders
if its too late – too late to be saved,
looking into his eyes she feels
a breeze of hope dance over her again,
so tonight when she sits upon her window sill
feeling the breeze of hope blow sweetly
through her heart she will
sing..
sing…
sing…

until he hears her words again -
those words she has vowed never to say -
but through the hues of a blue moon
she wonders – if maybe, just maybe
he’ll sing with her.
she’ll wonder if its not to late -
too late to be saved
only because a breeze of hope
blows through her heart,
kissing the curtains edge,
there at the window
where she sings,
under the hues of a blue moon,
hoping he’ll come sing with her,
cus, maybe just cus
its not too late – too late to be saved…..

copyright by Kristy Tallman, January 2010 – all rights reserved.

Posted in Uncategorized

You

The hour grows late,
the lights around me are dimmed
I slowly try to get tired enough
to find my way to bed.
Meanwhile I’ve been thinkin’ -
just thinkin’ about you -
about the newness
that fills a person
with a strange sense of feeling,
arousing all sorts of emotions
you thought were buried
far too deep to ever breathe again,

the simplicity of the phone ringing
creates an excitement
ordinarily it wouldn’t do,
the texts I find there fill me
cus for the first time in a long time,
someone makes me feel not so alone
in this great big world I’m lost in.
they make me feel a tad special
whereas before I just went through
the motions of life without much ado,
not until those magical tender moments
that didn’t belong to me..no..
no not until you.

The sound of your voice
still echoes in my ear
and reaches a place
I’m not ready to let you go,
but tis a funny thing
how we can’t control the mind or heart
especially when it’s found someone
who I see promise in -
someone I feel a mess of myself
when you talk to…

the only eyes I see are my own,
yet I search through images of yours
seeking to find what lays behind
their photogenic posed smiles
trying to see through – through,
to the place I find I want to go -
deeper still to that place
I’ll find the truths,
the pain, the magic, the rain -

yeah see through to the place
I can’t go to just yet
because for now it’s only
for my mind and heart to guess -
a place where I’ve yet
to find shelter in cus I’m afraid -
yes, fearful of the state of mind
reality can take me to.

Do you want to go -
I’ve ask myself a million times over -
wondering if its safe
too many times I’ve found myself
wishing you’d stayed hidden
behind the walls I’ve built so strong -
too afraid, too afraid I might be wrong
but then – then I question
my reasons of such strange indecision -
my fears that are suppose to be there
otherwise, if they weren’t
I wouldn’t feel alive…
I wouldn’t seek to find life
there in your eyes staring back at me
whether they be just an image
on a screen or maybe soon
right before me…

I wouldn’t get excited
just because you noticed me,
because you talked to me
or even better just for a moment
you thought about me.
Yeah this is what thinkin’ here
in the late hours of night tends to do -
it allows me to let the days bad parts
drift away;lets me fill my heart
if but for a moment,
with a beautiful, long needed
sense of faith.

a little smile replaces
the aches and pains I feel,
that bed I will sleep alone in
doesn’t seem such a bad a place to go
cus I know there I can dream
about things without my past
getting in the way,
I can let down my guard
I’ve managed so long to uphold
that my heart aches in letting go
from the strain of all the strength
it took for me to hold on…

but for once yeah once
I just don’t feel the pain,
I feel happy inside when I wake
strangely having a new sense of hope
just knowing that today
might be better than the one before -
I feel things I tell myself not to
and for maybe a moment it works
until I hear your voice again
or see a little note waiting from you -

yeah the hour grows late,
the words flow on,
through the heart
seemingly so cold,
though today its a little warmer
yeah warmer inside -
because of you,

the empty bed seems inviting now
just because I let it be
by letting someone inside -
a place though we both know
is just the beginning -
the door just opened a little more
and I’m letting you in
if it’s just at the edge
of a very long corridor,
it’s a start I wouldn’t have taken,
no I wouldn’t have taken,
the day before, the day before you.

yeah the hour grows late,
the eyes grow heavy
and as I close my eyes
my last thought will be of you,
the guardian of my dreams to come,
the first thought upon the sun’s rise,
the beautiful butterflies
that swarm to form my mood upon awakening,
to the beginning of something new -
something I’m truly afraid to do
but tis a strange thing the heart is,
how it has such hope
and sweet, sweet tenderness
for someone, yeah someone like you.

copyright by Kristy Tallman, January 7, 2010 – All rights reserved.

Posted in My Poetry

Pitter Patter

tiny little paws pitter patter
following you everywhere you go,
my babies I call them
because my babies -
yeah my babies are gone.

all grown up at the ripe ages
of youthful know it all wisdom,
drawn into their worlds
while you sit back and wonder
why it was you sat
and wished away the time -

a time when they could do for themselves,
a time when they weren’t on your heels -
their tiny little feet pitter patter -
following you every where you go -
now you’re lucky
if they come hang out with you
or sometimes even say hello -

but weren’t we just like them -
back in the day -
I smile as I pour me
another glass of tea -
head back to my room
listening to the voices
of my children talking
on the phone to their friends -

the keeper of their heart’s divine truths -
I but their mom
who too, too, too,
many times wished away -
wished away time.

how hard it was,
a young mother trying to grow up
while raising babies
she herself still was,
no not today,
no i can’t come out to play,
i’m a mommy now -
hear the pitter patter
of her feet down the hall?

it was okay most days
but sometimes you dreamed,
you let your heart drift away
and you wished too often,
wished time away.

now tiny little paws,
pitter patter down my halls,
my babies I call them
because my babies are gone,

growing up right before my eyes,
only needin’ mom on certain occasions
but always no matter how big or small,
my babies – yeah my babies stay ’round
and it feels so good to hear
from down the hall, “momma?”
followed by the pitter patter
of my babies paws.

copyright by Kristy Tallman – January 2010

Posted in My Poetry
Tags: babies, growing up, missing, mother's love, mothers